Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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