Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
