just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize