If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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