i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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