no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
