Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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