I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
