Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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