I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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