Your dad touched me again.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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