dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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