you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
