Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
