i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I believe in your delicious
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
