Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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