I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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