so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize