mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
