I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
