You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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