my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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