So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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