sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
