highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
