great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
