oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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