I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
