he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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