Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
