where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
