He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
