if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
