I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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