The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
