His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
