He is an equal opportunity slut.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
