Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
