you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
