You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
