Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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