We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
