i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
