i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
