Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
