wrigley field is MILF paradise
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
