i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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