shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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