I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
