Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
