so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
