I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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