So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
