I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
