Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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