My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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