I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
