Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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