Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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