Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
