The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize