3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize