operation harelip BJ is a go
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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