Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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