My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
