ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
