Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
