tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
