At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
