i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
