there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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