I have demons in me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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