i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
