how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
