i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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