At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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