You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize