I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize