Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize