Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
