I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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