she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
