Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
